In the early days-Diary Day 1- Memory Laps

Day 1





As a child I never really thought about what my life would be like as I got older. I was to busy trying to understand what was going on around me and had no idea what the word "future" really meant. So what forms us to who we are today? Well let me tell you my story! Every day I will post my diary of how my life took shape through a zillion obstacles and a ton of hiccups along the way. ! Please feel free to leave comments.. or questions. Even if its about your own life!



So it all began when I was in Kindergarten. I remember going to school that day just like I did ever week day. Back in the '80's there was not as much focus on a child's safety when it came to dropping off/picking up at school. There was no signing in or out or no one that walked you to your vehicle or checking to see who is coming or going. So I don't remember a whole lot about the normal activities that day, I just remember leaving school that day. I walked out of the main entrance of school as I did ever day. All of the classes were walked to the door and then it was "poof" you're gone. As I was walking out of the door, I saw a girl, standing by the bike racks watching me. I felt very uncomfortable because I knew they did not look familiar and despite the fact that I was only 5yrs old I still new you are not suppose to talk to strangers. I remember seeing her smiling and waving at me and I was very confused. To me it seemed as if she new me but I didn't know her. As she approached me, I saw another person behind her. It was a boy maybe a little bit older than her. He too was waving at me. I remember getting scared and as I started walking, they were walking up to me. The girl said to me "Hey Steph do you remember me?" I shook my head no. The girl said, "why don't you come over this way with me, because you're mother is here and really wants to see you." I was so frightened.. with fingers in my mouth and tears blurring my vision I remember saying softly, "My dad is picking me up today, and I don't think I should talk to strangers." About that time my dad pulled up in the car, quickly got out, grabbed me and put me in the car. I was so scared.. I did not understand what was going on.. The girl and the boy were just standing there staring at him almost in tears. My dad said, " Where is you're Mother? I know she is here too." About that time another car pulled up. I do not remember much of their conversation, but I was very upset and crying and he was yelling at her and I just did not understand ANY of it. I heard him say to the woman, "You can come by the house but for only an hour." And we screeched out of the parking lot.



Once we got home, my dad picked me up and told me everything was going to be OK. I said to him, "Why were you yelling at her? And why were they trying to get me to go with them?" I never got an answer, instead he told me I could have a snack and could sit in the playpen. (OK-so not sure why I had a playpen at age 5 but I remember I loved to get in there!) About 30 min later I remember hearing the door bell ring. It was that women and those other kids again. I was confused all over again, but not scared. I was in my house and in the playpen so I was safe. The lady came over to me, picked me up, gave me a hug and told me how much she missed me. I never said anything to her. I just kept looking at her. The girl and boy came in and were telling me things and I started to fell less and less uncomfortable. I felt like I had a bond with these people.. but for some reason I had no memory of them at that time. (I'm sure I didn't know what bond was either) But whatever feeling it was, I felt close to them.



I don't remember anything else about that day. I don't remember the conversation I had with them, I don't remember why they told me they came. I don't remember the conversation my dad had with her, while I sat in the seat right next to him. Its all a blank! And so were the next 7 years.

So what is it about our memory that causes things to either fade away or just disappear completely? Yet at the same time we can feel a bond with someone and have no idea what that bond is or why? Is it our minds telling us that what we went through was to traumatic that our subconscious causes us to not remember certain things on purpose? Or is it because we choose to not remember things from our past as we get older? And you hear all the time people will say, "I don't want to know." or I don't want to find out. Well I think that is just an excuse. How can you not want to know where you came from or why you are the way you are? Our whole life we are challenged to present an "image" to people, so how can that be done if you don't know what you came from? So its time to stop suppressing it and find out!!!

Tomorrow Preview: The redheaded stepchild: How does 7 years go by and you can't fit the puzzle pieces together?